Not at all kinky shit

I would love to be one of those wildly kinky people who has a closet full of toys/props and an infinite repertoire of positions and tricks. But if there's one thing that makes you feel any sympathy towards the writers at Cosmo (if anything) is that coming up with new, feasible ideas is difficult, goddammit. And then there's also my own personal foibles. Impatience with things that don't work immediately, being overly sensitive of my dignity, and a desire to be having sex RIGHT NOW all tend to lead to a "oh fuck it, let's just have sex in missionary" moment.

But what this is really leading up to is to say that I just orgasmed from girl on top for what is probably the 5th time in my life. Which is, uh, awesome. And it wasn't from lack of trying or inability to orgasm (trust me on that one), but it did get me thinking about why I hadn't before, and what made the difference. Now, perhaps I am just super behind the learning curve and so no one else would be interested in 'how to orgasm from being on top if you couldn't before' so that particular post might not be at all useful to anybody else.* But I believe a lot of my frustration with that position can be applied to sexual experimentation in general, and therefore is worth saying.

A little thing that had nothing to do with me or my partner was that we switched what kind of condoms we were using. Our usual sex store was closed, ended up with a different brand and a different style. I'm certainly happy about it :P. Entirely coincidental, but it emphasized the difference little things can make. Different lube, different condoms, it's worth playing around. And fun, did I mention fun? Sidenote: Don't settle for Trojans, agh, I hate Trojan condoms, that is an entirely different post.

So for some reason, I have better luck orgasming on top when I'm using a different brand of condoms. Who knew! (And if you did, and didn't tell me, I will be very sad.)

The other thing that made a huge difference was who I was having sex with. While physical differences do play a significant role in what positions work, it was the attitude that played a determining factor here. My current partner is remarkably chill and nonjudgemental--he doesn't mind switching to missionary so I can come when he does, so there was no pressure to say 'I need to come from this new position, he really seems to like it so I don't feel like I can ask to mess around with what we're doing, why am I not coming, let's overthink this to the point that I'm not going to come at all, etc'. Having an environment where I could switch things up to do what *I* needed to do, and where that was not an issue at all? Tremendously important.

This is not to say that I hadn't tried or succeeded in orgasming from other positions, just that it was pretty hard for me to come and by no means a guaranteed thing. I did/still do enjoy switching things up. I like variety, and it felt anywhere from "okay" to "pretty good", but I wouldn't come and so it could end up being frustrating...There was also the pressure to keep doing new things even with the high likelihood that it wouldn't end up being a winner. And I think it was a sign that my communication/comfort with previous partners was subpar (see aforementioned chillness) that changing positions would become an exercise in pleasing who I was having sex with. In that mindset, there was the tendency to give up trying to make it work at all-- (for fear of seeming too demanding? Being afraid of how long it might take to come, if ever? How many unsuccessful attempts would it take? Not wanting to admit that reverse cowgirl is about as interesting as doing laundry, without the sense of accomplishment?). Which leads to feeling like it's a favor, or resentment, and all manner of bad things. Possibly the moral of that is that I suck at communicating sometimes. BUT that even simple shit can take a while to get right. And by "a while" I mean bloody YEARS ugh what was I doing with my time.
(Answer: Everything but having enough really good sex)

Anyway, the really cool thing about this is that it's a confidence booster, which leads to even more positive effects, namely; having figured this one out, I'm so much more likely to want to try other snazzy things. I guess I didn't realize quite how much everything was contingent on mindset. Deciding beforehand that it's not gonna work can really impair the desire to experiment and more importantly, have those experiments succeed. Even with completely mundane vanilla sex. And I am all for ways to have better sex. Even if I don't take Cosmo's absolutely original new tip to have sex on a trapeze wearing sea urchin costumes.

*What made the box-blocking particularly frustrating is that, apparently women are supposed to come from being on top with great facility. I must have been at the end of the line on that one too, or something.